Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need to calm my uterus...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
