final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
someone owes me an orgasm
well most of my day revolves around power hour
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
