My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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