When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
