I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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