Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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