yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Say something about gay babies.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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