I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
