Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
