Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
