i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
