You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize