did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
