I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
