forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
