How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
