Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
