addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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