I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
