I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
