Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I love you. Go after that dick
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
