I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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