she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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