By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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