shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
