Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
