'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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