i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
