Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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