Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
