you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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