Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
