24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
