Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Too much gin, very little bucket
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
