Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize