you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
