On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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