We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
