Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
