yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
