he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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