I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
