we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize