woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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