one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
