Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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