Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
