I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
