I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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