Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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