ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
