just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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