Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
