I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He told me they were just razor bumps!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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