and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
