its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
