she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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