Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
