Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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