Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
