Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
