listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
