What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
