Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
