Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

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(845): View more from New York

Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.

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(716): View more from New York

Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

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(330): View more from Ohio

He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating

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(519): View more from Ontario

He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?

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(915): View more from Texas

You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs

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(256): View more from Alabama

She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.

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(720): View more from Colorado

He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.

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